An 8 minute read By Anthony (Tony) J. D’Angelo, founder of Collegiate Empowerment, June 26, 2020
The concept of “choice” is one of the most powerful tools we can use as Higher Education Professionals. When you take hold of the idea that you have a choice about your mindset, your actions, and your future, you will begin to see your life and your impact transform. Over the last few articles, we have been talking about what it means to be a Collegiate Empowerment Professional. As a CEP, you must be ridiculously responsible for your choices. You have to choose, “what do you want” and “where do you want to go?” That’s your job.
Our job then, as coaches at Collegiate Empowerment is to help you with the “who”. Who are you becoming? What roles are you slipping into? And how can you choose to live out of a role and mindset that will help you be the best version of yourself? In this article, we’re going to look at two different triangles. These triangles represent the roles and dynamics we can fall into. Let’s examine the problem first, to diagnose and address where we may be falling into a negative role in The Drama Triangle. Then, we’ll provide the powerful solution to those destructive roles with The Empowerment Triangle.
The Drama Triangle
Imagine an inverted triangle, with the point of the triangle facing downwards. At the bottom of the Triangle is the letter “V”, which stands for “Victim”, at the top left is the letter “R” which stands for “Rescuer” and the top right is the letter “P” which stands for “Persecutor”. The Drama Triangle starts from the belief that we are all oppressed. This dynamic is built into our DNA. We’ve been raised up with “The Drama Triangle” mentality. Every great movie, every great piece of fiction is based on this concept. You have the damsel in distress, a victim, she's tied down to the train tracks by some villainous persecutor, and she’s waiting for a hero to come rescue her. We know this story in a thousand different ways. It makes thrilling art and beautiful drama on screen or the stage, but when we live that out in our lives, that's where challenges arise. That's where we become completely disempowered. Let’s take a look at each of these three roles.
The Victim
Firstly, we must acknowledge that each of us has been or will be victimized in our lives. That happens. You may be a survivor of a terminal illness. You may be a survivor of a terrible act of violence. Many of us experience traumatic events throughout our lifetime. That’s part of being human, and that trauma and those experiences are valid. But there is a difference between acknowledging we have been victimized and choosing to live in victimhood. Victimhood keeps an individual stuck in self-defeating thoughts, actions, and relationships. Victims are trapped in a world of helplessness and self-pity. Victims are constantly looking for Rescuers to protect them and see Persecutors around every corner. They do not take ownership for their own actions, attitudes, and healing. They are constantly looking for others to blame, and others to save them.
The Rescuer
The Rescuer is addicted to “saving” victims. Yet many times, the Rescuer is enabling a victim to stay trapped and stuck in their victimhood. They are like an arsonist who loves to put out fires but doesn't realize they’re the one starting the. fires. Rescuers get a sense of gratification for saving somebody else's life, for rescuing them. However, the Rescuer rarely looks at their own issues or problems. Their focus is always on helping other people, even when they may be contributing to an unhealthy relationship. It can be a very slippery slope if you approach the game as a Rescuer. You can easily slip into becoming a victim, because you don't feel appreciated enough, you don't feel compensated enough. Then, those self-pitying thoughts can come, and you may quickly find yourself in the state of victimhood.
The Persecutor
The Persecutor is generally someone with a lot of frustration, anger, or aggression. They can be bullies, pushing others to do what they want. Like the Victim, the Persecutor looks to blame others for their dissatisfaction or circumstances. However, the Persecutor will be much more vocal and forceful in trying to get their way. As you read the description of these roles, which ones hit home for you? Which roles do you fall in from time to time? The tricky thing about The Drama Triangle, is that these roles are interchangeable. You can move from being the Victim, to the Rescuer, to the Persecutor, and back again. Some have called it “DDT” (the Dreaded Drama Triangle) because DDT is a toxin. If you are stuck in DDT, you are stuck in a toxic cycle of pain, frustration, and anger that is harming your relationships and hampering your success. So, if DDT is a toxin, what is the antidote?
The Empowerment Triangle
The Empowerment Triangle starts from the belief that we are all blessed. The Empowerment Triangle gives us roles we can live out of to empower ourselves and others. Imagine another triangle, this one “right-side up”. At each point of the triangle, you have the letter “C”. At the top, you have the role of “Creator”, at the bottom right corner you have the role of “Challenger” and at the bottom left corner, you have the role of “coach”. These roles different from the toxic DDT ones.
The Creator
We talked about the concept of Creator in our last article. It’s important to view not only yourself, but the students you work with as Creators. The Creator does not take a passive stance in life. They don’t accept a victim mentality of life happening “to” them. Rather, they take power for themselves by owning their choices and responding to their life experience actively. They do not accept a helpless position. They acknowledge that they are in charge of their own destiny. Creators want to change the world, but more importantly, they want to change and transform themselves. They want to have healthier relationships. They want to get out of debt. They want to lose weight. They want to become a better partner. They go back and look at their family history and understand that their job is to take the next generation to the next level. They might be a First Gen college student, but they're creating a future that’s bigger than their past. The entire framework of Empowerment Education begins with the power going to the individual, not to the man, not to the system. But to you. As Creators, we are guided. We are grounded. And we are blessed.
The Coach
If you tend to fall into the Rescuer role, you need to shift your mindset into becoming a coach. The Coach supports, guides, and instructs Creators without attempting to rescue them. Coaches draw out the gold from the minds of Creators and encourage their own thoughts and thinking. The role of the Coach is to support the Creator for the Creator’s own good, not for the accolades or appreciation like the Rescuer. Coaches set healthy boundaries and lead by example. Coaches are able to support others because they are accountable to the tools and practices they are empowering others to use. The relationship between Coach and Creator is a beautiful one because we know we can’t achieve our vision on our own. We need that collaboration and community to help us get where we want to go.
The Challenger
The Challenger is the antidote to the Persecutor. The Challenger is respectful of others yet will push against problems that need to be addressed or fixed. The Challenger will encourage others to look at their thoughts and actions to see if there are negative patterns that need to be changed. The Challenger will seek to better a process by examining what works and what doesn’t. The Challenger will fight for change in a way that is fair and better for everyone affected.
The Empowerment Triangle and Higher Ed
As we approach Higher Ed, if you play the game from the mindset of a Victim, a Rescuer, or a Persecutor, it will be a very dramatic game, but it won’t change and transform the world. It will create a lot of havoc; it will create a lot of heaviness. It’s exhausting. Our greatest limitation to creating true empowerment in Higher Ed is we’ve have too many Rescuers. We’ve created a culture of “Rescuer martyrdom”. We have too many Rescuers and not enough Coaches. That’s why we created Collegiate Empowerment, not to decrease the number of rescuers—we can’t control that—but to increase the number of Coaches.
The Drama Triangle is named that way because regardless of whatever role you play, whether you're the Rescuer, the Victim, or the Persecutor, you will experience drama in your life. And we know that's not what you want. We know you want peace. We know you want meaning. We know you want purpose. We know you want passion. Whenever you find yourself slipping into any of those “dreaded” roles, remember you have been given the antidote.
What role will you play?
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Anthony (Tony) J. D’Angelo, is founder & Chief Visionary Officer of Collegiate Empowerment, a educational production company dedicated to serving the US Higher Education Industry. Since 1995, Tony has served as a coach and strategic consultant to thousands of Higher Education Professionals and University Executives from over 2,500 US colleges. Learn more @ www.Collegiate-Empowerment.org or Follow: @TonyDAngelo on Twitter.
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